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The Poltergeists
Performed by Lizzie Clachan & Glen Neath (with the voice of Oscar Heath Stephens) at the Shunt Cabaret, Bethnal Green, London, 20 July 2003
Two chairs side by side, a television and a tall lamp on stage
A tv programme (Scooby Doo) shows for one minute before the lamp flickers and the tv goes to a fuzzy screen. The chair shakes and begins to move across the stage, right to left. a picture of an empty room comes up on the tv. As the chair disappears off stage it appears to move into the room on the tv, entering right to left. It stops in the centre of the screen
A six foot five man in a light suit and a six foot five man dressed in black leathers enter the room on the tv, left to right, and stand side by a side for a moment before the six foot five man in a light suit continues walking and exits the tv on the opposite side. As he disappears off screen he appears on the stage and walks left to right to stand by and then sit on the chair
The six foot five man dressed in black leathers, still in the tv, tries to scare the six foot five man in a light suit, who seems totally unmoved. The six foot five man dressed in black leathers continues to try and scare the six foot five man in a light suit for the duration of his time on the tv, and for now this involves shaking the chair, which causes the six foot five man in a light suit to stand. He holds a microphone up to his mouth so that it obscures his lips. Throughout the course of the speech the six foot five man in a light suit lip-synchs to make it look like he is speaking, but the voice is recorded. It is the voice of a very young boy
MAN / BOY – welcome to this, the experimental motion sickness. We are only here for the weekend. Next week we finally take the show on the road
Do we have any fans of Kate Bush in the audience by the way? I know - you all feel you’ve been forgotten about. Am I right? (almost to himself) (Come on Kate, all we want is a new album)
Anyway what I’m saying to all you fans of Kate Bush is this: this ride isn’t so very different!
As for the rest of you, have any of you ever found yourself in the bingo hall with a full card and someone’s cut your tongue out? So you wave your hand in the air to get the caller’s attention but someone’s popped out his eyes with a spoon handle
The six foot five man dressed in black leathers has become irritated and he walks off screen (following the six foot five man in a light suit) and as he disappears off the tv he appears on the stage, only now he is wearing a white sheet with black eye-holes, in an attempt to be a ‘scary’ ghost. The six foot five man in a light suit hasn’t noticed him and continues his speech
MAN / BOY – What about a loved one? Has anybody ever lost a loved one in a game of poker?
What about a limb?
What price a lamb chop? Has anyone ever ended up legless and chopless in spite of the fact?
What price 25 meat prizes?
The six foot five man in a light suit pulls the sheet off the six foot five man dressed in black leathers before he strokes his face and exits in the direction from which he came. He appears on the tv and sits on the chair. When the six foot five man dressed in black leathers realises the six foot five man in a light suit is watching him he turns off the tv and then he begins to manually switch the light on and off (to simulate the effect at the opening of the play). Finally he doesn’t turn it back on
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